Lately I noticed, that I started losing my temper and getting irritated over trivial issues which don't even matter. The worst part is that I started taking out my anger and frustration on T. I started scolding him for small things. This was leading him to becoming stubborn and cranky. He started throwing tantrums. The more I scolded him,the more stubborn he became. After scolding him I felt terrible and I started feeling that I was a horrible mother ! I discussed this with my husband and tried to incorporate a few things and changed my attitude. T's reactions also changed and he started listening.
I am sharing few things which I incorporated and hope they are helpful for you too :
- Stay Positive:
I noticed if I said something negative to T, his immediate reaction would to do exactly what I told him not to do. For eg, if I told him not to water the plants because he spilled it all over the floor, his reaction would be " I will water the plants now!" and sometimes he would spill the whole bucket on purpose. I started telling him, " You have done a wonderful job,the plants are not thirsty anymore, how about watering them in the evening again ? ". This way the child feels that he has done a something good, we praise him , he feels he accomplished something and it gives him a boost of confidence.
- Keep expensive things out of the reach of kids:
If you feel your child is touching an expensive art decor piece, telling him not to do it again might not help and you might lose your temper, which will end in yelling, resulting in the child becoming stubborn and aggressive. The best alternative is to pick up the expensive piece and keep it out of the reach of the child.
- Prepare Ahead:
We all know that kids get cranky when they are hungry, and it is also essential to keep them busy with things they like to do.If you know that you are going out of the house for a long period, prepare in advance. Prepare a small bag for the child before you leave the house. Take some snacks , activity books, colours, drawing book or a few toys , to keep your kids occupied.
- Set a Consequence :
If a child has done wrong, he should realize that he will get a consequence for that. you have to be firm that you follow through the consequence. Whether it's no TV time, no going out to play, taking away their favourite toy for a while, they should know if they break a rule, they pay a price for that.
- Turn a blind eye :
Sometimes it is best to ignore your child's bad behaviour. Rather than yelling or trying to spank them, it is best to ignore sometimes. At times , kids want attention, so they misbehave and if they get ignored for five minutes, the kids get straighten out themselves.
- Give them a Time Out :
This is an effective tool. A good rule is a minute for each year of your child's age.For giving him time out, he should keep quiet in a corner or chair. Don't interact with him at this point. When it is over, other than maybe an apology, don't bring it up again.
- Be the Person in Charge :
When the kids act out, we have to realize that we are adults and they are kids. That means we have to urge to hit or yell , we have to be cool and avoid the lifelong problem of hitting or yelling at your child.
- Be Compassionate :
Talk to your misbehaving kid calmly, clearly and by understanding his needs , wants and what led him to react in that way.
- Give Them a Hug :
We want to discipline our kids, but we don't want them to get averse from us. Hug them , let them know how much you love them.
- Take your Own Time Out :
You need to keep your cool and sometimes need your " Me Time " too. Call your husband, or some other member of the family to take charge of the child. Take time to relax, read , meditate, go out with friends, move away from the situation. This will rejuvenate you to deal with situations better.
I hope these points are helpful in dealing with your temper with kids and make you feel more positive. I am learning everyday too . Each day brings in a new learning and experience and more awareness.
Happy Parenting !
Happy Parenting !